I was the girl growing up that didn’t believe that I would ever find someone that could give me everything I was looking for. I lived through most relationships with one foot in and one foot out and was prepared to run at every bump and turn. I was on quest to be solely independent and not need the support of a man. (Yes, I was that girl)
Until I met him… and everything suddenly changed. The girl that would NEVER think of doing a long distance relationship, NEVER move across the country for a boy or stay around through ups and downs, suddenly was more than willing to do all of these things.
Yesterday, was my three year anniversary with him and it really made me think about everything we had been through, worked through and learned. Coming from two people who really weren’t the relationship type to begin with, we had a long way to go but it has amazed me what happens when you don’t give up and run at every tiny red flag. You actually ended up growing, who would have thought!
Every relationship is different and what works for some doesn’t work for others but here are a few key tips that have helped me through our relationship over the years.
- Be Happy On Your Own- this was a tough one for me to learn. It is not their job to make you happy and if you think that, you are in for a let down. You have to be happy and content on your own. They are there to support your happiness, not make it.
- Don’t Expect Them to be Perfect All the Time- We all carry the expectation that our significant others should be our best friend, lover, supporter, great with our friends, great with our family, aware of our feelings etc. The truth is we can’t be everything at once, give them some slack, you don’t want to be held to a million expectations either.
- Have Your Own Thing- Do your own thing, have your own friends be passionate about something that doesn’t involve them. It allows your to keep your self identity and will always give you things to talk and learn about. Be his cheerleader and he will be yours. Time apart and being your own person is healthy.
- Take Care of Their Needs- Everyone has certain things they need to feel valued and appreciated in a relationship. Learn those needs and continue to do them, not just until you are dating or married but make them apart of your lifestyle because if you don’t eventually there will be someone else that will, and nobody wants that.
- Remember to Laugh- Life is suppose to be fun, you are with this person because they are suppose to enhance your life and make it better. Of course, times get tough and mis-communications happen, but if you can learn to talk and laugh about it, you will come out just fine. Life is short, don’t waste it.
- Last but no least, COMMUNICATE- There a million things in a relationship that are very uncomfortable to talk about, so most people opt to keep it to themselves, until whatever is bugging them blows up. Guess what, that person loves you for a reason, so talk about it, bring up the uncomfortable stuff. The more you do, the more you will feel on the same page and the more comfortable you will feel about talking to them about these type of issues. REMEMBER- if you are on the other side of this conversation, you have a right to be upset with what they are saying but be understand the courage it took to bring it up and be willing to listen to their point of view. They are doing it because they care about the relationship not because they want to hurt you.
I have learned these tidbits the hard way over the last three years and by all means have not perfected them. A relationship is hard and a lot of work but you know you are in the right one when those truly blissful, happy moments make it completely worth it.